Surfing, Mentawais and Mantras

My heart races. My stomach in knots. Fight or flight response fully kicking in.

Nope, I am not about to jump out of a plane, nor am I getting ready for another PCR-RT test.

I am surfing. I love it. And I am terrified of it.

As a kid, I remember standing on the beach while my mum and dad were swimming out past the waves. I was screaming. Screaming at them to come back to shore because I was convinced they were going to be drowned by the waves, or get eaten by a shark.

The ocean has terrified me for as long as I can remember.

Going on holidays, as a little kid, I would beg my parents to take me to a beach where there were absolutely no waves. I would prefer a holiday not at the beach, but if it had to be the beach, then a wave-less beach was preferable. Even better would be if there were no fish of any kind, anywhere to be seen.

I rode horses until the age of 21 then switched to riding waves. Boys had a good bit to do with the change of heart about the beach. A couple of boyfriends were beach-lovers and surfers, and I soon discovered that my fear of the ocean was secondary to being left behind, subject to boredom on the beach, or conforming to any stereotype around girls laying out on the sand.

No thank you!

I started off with boogie-boarding, and that was fun. Even went out on a fairly sizable day at Burleigh Heads and had a blast. Not fearless, mind you, but the feeling of riding the waves, the workout without feeling like a workout, and of course, the cute guys-  all helped to tip the balance into the favor of surfing.

Though I remain uncomfortable in the ocean, I have become a surf aficionado. My life has revolved around surfing for at least 17 years now, which is getting close to half my existence on earth. Surfing has given me so much of everything significant in my life. First and foremost, my husband, Ian. He is the biggest gift that surfing has given me. I can’t imagine a better life than the one we are living together. Surfing took me to Costa Rica, a place I love and call home. There is something magical about life there, and if it weren’t for chasing waves, I would never have found it!

So here I am, 40 years young, in the Mentawai Islands of Indonesia. For most surfers, this place is considered the mecca of surfing. The place all surfers hope to get to at some point in their lives.

But every time I surf a new place, I am riddled with nerves. Heart pounding, rapid breathing, high alert for whatever it is that makes me so uncomfortable in the big blue sea. It’s something I really wish didn’t happen. I want to be free of this thought pattern as I feel it holds me back from being a much better surfer (not to mention what else it holds me back from).

The older I get, the more I love listening to various thought-leaders and inspiring humans. As I sat in the gorgeous turquoise waters off the most picturesque tropical island you can imagine, fretting about surfing, I pulled out my mental rolodex and flicked through for potential helpers.  

As is so perfect about our energetic existence in this physical world, just the right name popped up to help me. Teal Swan is one of my faves when it comes to inspirational speakers who inspire us to live in our authenticity, freedom and joy. Not only does her name take me straight to my happy blue-green place, but more to the point, is her ability to succinctly nail down what steps are necessary to cut some of the ties that bind us.

Teal says that the solution to anxiety is to “radically decide to experience anxiety”. Isn’t that something? So empowering. Another gold nugget she says is ‘if we get away from anxiety, we get away from awareness’.  Absolutely not wanting to be anywhere other than right here, right now, fully aware of my surroundings, I have coined for myself a new surfing mantra. Each time I am unnerved in the water, I say “It is my radical decision to experience my anxiety of surfing right now.”

Recognizing it as a choice makes all the difference. While anxiety itself is not a choice (anyone who has had anxiety inherently knows this), the choice lies in how we choose to view our anxiety. Like most things, it is all about perspective.

Check out the link here to hear more on this from Teal Swan.  

Each morning, the guests of Kandui Resort gather in the dining uma for breakfast and to plan the surf day. There are 2-3 boats available to take us to the various surf breaks around the islands. We have 12 of us at the moment staying here, all of varying abilities when it comes to surf skills. The wind is the main deciding factor for which breaks we end up surfing at this time of year. We are here in the shoulder season, also known as the monsoon season. I always thought that monsoon was some crazy intense rainy season where it buckets down non-stop for months and months. This monsoon season seems quite comparable to our rainy season in Costa Rica. Beautiful days, frequent light rains, with pockets of sunshine but enough cloud cover that you don’t end up a full crispy critter after a couple hours in the sun.

My favorite wave so far is Beng Bengs. I knew it would be from the first time I saw it in a photo. A fun left-breaking wave over a reef that isn’t too shallow. Named after a yummy Indonesian candy bar of crème-filled wafer cookies covered in chocolate. That pretty much sums up this wave.

The photographer and videographer usually film from the beach, so the boat drops them off at the shore then anchors in a safe zone away from waves. Finn is happy to jump off the boat with the crew and fish from the shore and explore the island a little. Some days he will boogie board, and others he prefers to stay back at the resort and fish from the dock. When I say ‘resort’ I refer to where we are staying, but it isn’t the typical idea of a resort. It is more of a boutique surf camp. Perfect for how we like to roll. Easy-going, laid-back staff, friendly management and a feeling that you are home away from home. Not having to cook for this whole time, nor do the dishes is a huge luxury!

I really believe that without the darkness we would never know the beauty of the light.

Without discomfort we would never fully appreciate the luxury.

The exhilaration wouldn’t be the same without the terror.

Contrast is everything.

I embrace all of it.